One of the MOST Offensive Things

Guys, this is absolutely going to be a rant-y post. I'm not really prone to these on this blog (minus that terrible, terrible book I read a few weeks ago) so hear me out.

On Wednesday night, I got home from work (after falling asleep on the train, which has happened to me three times this week and is seriously impacting my ability to read effectively) changed, and got my butt to the gym. On my way there, I found myself behind a black Ford pickup truck for about three quarters of the 20 minute drive.

Do, do, do, driving to the gym, rockin' out to Rhianna's "We Found Love in a Hopeless Place" (seriously, how does that song NOT get old) psyching myself up to do some serious elliptical-ing and the hills program on that machine that is not a ski machine but also not an elliptical. Happily driving along I was and THEN I saw it. There, below the truck's rear bumper was one of the MOST offensive things in the world (see title of this post):

Testicles. Hanging from his rear bumper. As big as Michael Phelps' very large hands.

This was not the first time I had seen these flesh colored, plastic appendages hanging from someone's vehicle (I am almost positive that they have only ever been on pickup trucks) but I found myself terribly appalled. Not even Rhianna could pull me out of my shocked stupor.  Perhaps this entire post makes me a prude, but if being a prude means that I don't want to see gigantic balls danglin' from your car, I'm OK with being a prude.

After really thinking about my balls filled drive, I have a few main questions/observations:
1. Where does one purchase such things? (Please note that I am not even featuring a photo of said objects in this post because I am SO against them and also because I know people read this at work)
2. Who makes them, and how does the company recruit workers? "NEEDED: gigantic testicle assembler. Must be comfortable handling sacks".
3. Do you buy yourself the balls, or do you receive them as a gift?
3a. What kind of weirdo buys himself balls
3b. Do you receive them as a gag gift or as a serious "I saw these and they reminded me of you" gift (ew)
4. Has a mother or father driving behind, next to or around these morons ever given them the finger? If I had a child in my car and I had to explain to them what those giant things were, I would want to cut a bitch.

Thoughts? Opinions? Any readers have these awful things on the tail end of their car (if so, I'm not even going to apologize if this post made you offended...sorry I'm not sorry).

End Rant.

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